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October 28th, 2005 at 4:34pm
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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I need sleep real bad.
i havn't slept in a long time.
SLEEP
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| i cannot hide hurt and pain behind a guise of indifference |
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October 25th, 2005 at 9:44pm
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mood |
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 thxsLJ for listening 2me bitch |
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today was indeed a day. my only day off. i got a random call from a number i never expected to see on my called id again.. a number i nearly had to look at for a second before i answered just to make sure i recognized it. but it wasn't the number i recognized, it was your voice... you saying to me.. "oh i didn't think you'd answer" okay because i was treated how i should have been treated for that whole 3 or 4 months? i told you lies? i cheated on you? i am still denying it to this day? no, no, no, and no. i still want to hear the truth from you. you have no idea how shitty you made me feel. never wanting to get hurt, and with you knowing that, you completly disregarded that bit of fucking information. all i wanted was closure, you at least owe me that.
being on the phone with you didn't do much good. i have so much to say, so much to ask, and so many things to call you out on. but you know what..? i am not going to do that because that would show that i care. and i shouldn't care about someone who could just completly treat me like fucking scum. i shouldn't give two shits about someone who threw out so much of my love and trust. you fucking have no idea what you lost. all i can do is sit back and laugh. laugh at how pathetic you are, i find it amusing because you went for someone who has no personality, no sense of humor, no sense of who they are, and completly no sense of nutrient.
.. but i am not going to even think about it anymore. you go ahead and do your own thing because i can't stand to hear your voice, i cannot stand another second to see you. because i seriously could not even begin to explain how fucking bad you hurt me. on the phone with you, in person.. you act like you didn't do anything wrong. and that is what hurts me the most. you do not care.
but tomorrow is another wonderful & spiffy day i have yet to conquer.
( bored, so i looked around and gathered pictures.. )
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| 10-5pm work? dammn niggah. |
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October 23rd, 2005 at 2:52am
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mood |
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 lacking sleep & cigarettes |
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today has been a great night, despite the no sleep and having to work part.
i have to wake up in 5 hours for a 7 hour workday & than a meeting. dammn.
-
i am happy and want icecream.
tonight has been great, you're great, ..waiting
i tired.
step dad came home with mcdonalds and i can smell it. now i was fries and a double cheeseburger.
fuck the icecream.
<3
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| just want to see you touch the ground |
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October 22nd, 2005 at 12:30am
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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so i got out of work at 9;30 mm work is lame. yes it's agreed. but after work i guess i went to this little get together. we rented the place out. don't ask. but just .. Great Night.
tomorrow i have work at um ehh urg 2 til' 6.. at least i'm not closing. fuck yeah.
november 4th; rufio & some fags
november 5th; senses fail & some maybe alright fags
<333 i fucking cannot wait til' the 3rd.
suck me
i want to hang out with everyone.
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| i seriously do not get it. |
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October 19th, 2005 at 10:25pm
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mood |
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groggy |
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okay, so i don't use livejournal a lot anymore. but i just feel that what happened today definetly needed to be posted & remembered..
straight after school i went up to wyandotte hospital to see my sister. she gets out tomorrow, hopfully, but yeah we'll see. but yeah and anyways when me and my mom were going down the service elavators i noticed on the metal button board
"Reno 85" and i was like mom, how old was dad in 85 and she said something like in his late teens, and i said when was robert born and she was like.. 85. so i basically started crying because my dad was in that same elavator 20 years ago waiting for my brother to be born. i found that so crazy to think he once cared about us. i wanted to just question him, yell, scream, and hit him more than everything at the moment, but just really talk to him and possibly hug him. i miss him. last week i seen him driving down pennsyvania, and we were both stopped at a light, i looked over and seen him. he looked at me, definetly recognized me, than looked away and watched down the light waiting for it to change. i was just thinking, yeah i love you too dad.
so after all that happened and was thought about. i came home tonight from night school and found a note from my mom saying that when she went back to the hospital later today, she was in another service elevator, and she seen "Reno 89" on the metal side thing. i just stood there and wanted to fucking scream. i hate my fucking dad. i seriously do not know why he is a inconsiterat prick.
fucking ass.
oh && i quit quiting again. i'm restarting on monday. mm yeah sure, good luck carrie. fuck you.
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| you have the habbit of fucking me over, Friend! :) |
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October 17th, 2005 at 4:24pm
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mood |
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 you fucked me over twice. lush |
] |
so i havn't smoked a cigarette in 19 hours! hah that's intense. i'm doing good.
about to venture off to night school. i miss so many people right now.
i was reading this book called Sun Signs. and it tells you so much shit about the sign that you are. i'm cancer and just reading it, i was overwhelmed. like i've never heard anything describe me so well. kelly's sign description described her exactly..
&& something really interesting, i was reading about Gemini's. i couldn't help but think of the same person as i read every single paragraph. even after the whole 3 pages, i only was reminded of one person. hah. you are nuts.
but seriously..i'm going to night school.
i really miss someone
&& it's not even my fault, that's the funny part.
someone did this. this would be the second time?
YUP. the second time. thanks ;)
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| i hate drunken calls that are lies. |
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October 2nd, 2005 at 7:13pm
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i thought things were good lately, but i think deep down i have been lying to myself and making excuses for the people who are close to me. i'm really pathetic. things are so completly and utterly confusing right now that i am deathly confused. at times i feel so happy but than right now i want to cry? wtf, this is so lame. when people around me are suceeding in the things that i seem to be failing in, i want to scream and run around crying. it's so odd. i hate it. people ask me for advice on their boyfriends/girlfriends and i give them great advice but it seems like no one could give me advice on the situations i find myself in. i have people in my life now than come in and out and it's definetly rough because i'm lacking someone and i, at times, like it but right now i feel more than ever i want it. i pushed it away when it came to past relationships, i'm not saying i want them back, but i want something. people don't care like i do. i over analyze things and think them out too far. they don't understand that i like someone who isn't your everyday average guy. i like people who have that crazy and confusing thought process, like myself. i like figuring people out, trying to understand and predict them. i want something new. someone new. i'm sick of everything right now. i'm sick of it not being right. it's so lame i cannot even believe it. i'm sick of the same people, same typical game they try to pull.
i want new challenges.
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September 21st, 2005 at 2:50pm
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mood |
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 i hate this class. wtf |
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so right now i'm in nightschool at lincoln park. i didn't think i'd know anyone here but i def. seen angela :):) ethans girlfriend, or ex. i don't care she's still here and that rocks :) but other than that awesome shit i am bored. tomorrow i work (weathervane in the mall) from 5-930. than friday i am not doing anything. but SATURDAY is mike's lovely theme party. lol
ummmm i got nothin'
face the truth.
-yourLovIngEyeS
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| Is this even possible? yes sir it is. I am Carrie. |
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September 12th, 2005 at 7:03pm
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mood |
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 giddy |
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Road Test - Friday 4:15pm
Getting Licenses - Monday @ 1pm
Night School in Lincoln Park - Monday @ 5:30pm
*I'm driving :-o*
OHH and Cedar Point at the end of the month :):)
oh oh oh oh
i'm seriously so fucking happy.
ohh and in school i'm getting all A's and B's
three cheers.
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fucked over. again